


No, There's Nothing Wrong With Me

by SomeSuperHero



Series: Comfortably Numb [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: & not knowing why it hurts so damn much, Deleks, F/M, Loneliness, Post-Episode: s05e09 Cold Blood, Pre-episode: The Pandorica Opens, Successful sucide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSuperHero/pseuds/SomeSuperHero
Summary: The Doctor knows what's bothering Amy, but he didn't know it was this bad.
Relationships: Amy Pond/ Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor / Amy Pond
Series: Comfortably Numb [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923256
Kudos: 4





	No, There's Nothing Wrong With Me

**Author's Note:**

> Song quote from "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy.
> 
> I don't really like Amy Pond *cough* Weeping Angel story part two Ick * cough* but I thought the fact she knew she was missing someone important to her triggered her.  
> I don't really like Eleven, (it's his hair I can't get over) either, but I still watched every NuWho episode (with the exception of Time Heist. And I never finished Robot of Sherrwood. I want to, though).  
> Point is, despite disliking the compianion and Doctor, I know some of you guys like Eleven, so I couldn't leave him out.  
> As for Amy, she's okay at best. I tried writing for the reader and Clara, but this idea was better (post Cold Blood/ pre- the Pandorica Opens)  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS!

" _ **Exterminate. The Doctor and friend must be eliminated. Exterminate."** _The Delek chased them through a tight area, as The Doctor gripped Amy Pond's hand tightly and ran, dodging blasts from the laser gun. The edge of the roof approached fast. "What are we going to do?" Amy yelled, and The Doctor smiled, as if this was the most fun he had in a lifetime. "We're going to jump. Ready?"

"No!" Amy yelled, narrowly missing another blast, but felt a face full of power from it. The Doctor jumped, letting go of Amy's hand. "Geronimo!" He yelled, putting his hands in from of him like he was Superman. The TARDIS, which was attached to the side of the building caught him. The splashes told her he had landed in the pool. The Delek sent another battle cry and blasted at her again, and she looked down. "Come on!" The Doctor shouted from the police box, and Amy looked down at it. "Geronimo," she whispered and threw herself off of the edge. Within seconds, her body was submerged in cold water. She flapped around and pushed herself up to the surface. Shivering, Amy crawled out, her clothes, a pair of joggers and a red blouse, sticking to her skin.

She opened one of the cupboards beside the pool and grabbed a towel. After wrapping it around her, Amy headed to the console room. The Doctor's back was twoards her, as he watched a monitor. "Why did you hesitate?" He asked, hurt. "Do you not trust me?" Amy looked down at her shoes. "No, I trust you, Doctor." 

"Then... Were you trying to get yourself killed?" He asked, still hurt, and she didn't answer. "Is there something wrong with you?" He turned around, his eyebrows furrowed. Now, he spoke through gripped teeth, frustration in his eyes. "No, I'm fine."

" **Amy**?"

"No, there's nothing wrong with me. I promise." That was such a lie, but he had broken promises, too. He sighed, covering his eyes. "Amelia?" He asked, quieter, and Amy's heart ached. "Really, Doctor, I'm fine." He nodded. "Okay, then. Go off, then. Get some sleep. It's been a long day." It was her turn to nod. "'Night, Doctor." He turned back to the monitor. "Good night."

As soon as she closed the door, she pulled off her wet clothing and pulled on some sweatpants. She yanked open her drawer to find a shirt but found something she had been looking for. She thought The Doctor had found it and took it, but no. It was here. A tiny blade from a pencil sharpener. Tiny enough to loose, big enough to cause the scars and gashes on her shoulder (not her arm. Never where someone could see.)

She looked at it. Why hadn't she allow that Delek to kill her? Amy knew why. If she was going to die, she needed to do it. Not some Delek or Weeping Angel or something. No, it had to be herself or The Soctor would take responsibility for her death, and then maybe revenge. She tossed it back into her drawer and pulled out a night shirt.

Amy pulled it on, turned out the lights and crawled into bed, deciding it was best to just take a shower in the morning. Then the voice came to her. Her own voice swirling words into her head.

_Police box._

_TARDIS._

_Alone._

_Lonely._

_Blue._

_Red._

Seven.

Fourteen.

_Twenty-one._

_Twenty- eight._

_Words._

_Word._

_Sentences_. 

It was just word..... What do they called it? Say something and the other person said the first thing that came to thier head. Word association. But instead of two peopl, it was just her. In her head thinking. It was a great way for her to numb the mind, but most of the time it would just happen randomly. Especially at night, when she was alone.

_Sentences_. 

_Pita Bread_.

Fort. 

Snow. 

Grey.

Sun.

Six. 

Eight.

Waffles.

Amy sighed, trying to think what came next, but instead her mind slipped out of the game. She snuggled into her body pillow, as if was a person. God, she missed.... Someone. Could you even miss someone if you didn't remember who they were? Probably, because Amy wasn't sure what else to classify this kind of longing. A boyfriend..... Probably ruggedly handsome. A devilish grin. Someone who told The Doctor bow ties were NOT cool. Wore suits and told Amy she looked beautiful, even though she looked terrible.

Maybe not a boyfriend, maybe her parents. People who told her they supported her through high school. People who didn't go to the bar every night, like her aunt did when she was young. People who beat her in Monopoly, but lost purposely in Uno. People who hugged her when she had a rough day.

Maybe, it wasn't either of those. Maybe, itwas a friend she was forgetting and missing at the same. She had Mels.... That was about it, Amy knew it. Maybe, it was someone she just wanted to have. 

Tears fell from her eyes, and she bit her hand, muffling the sobbing.

She didn't know, then. She just knew it hurt. No, it was beyond hurting. It felt as if her heart was asleep from not enough blood pumping through it. Numb. Dying. For weeks on end, now, and she didn't know why. Life was alright. Nothing bad... Just life. Traveling with a mad man with a police box.

_Box._

_Cardboard._

\--------

She climbed into the tub, feeling like she had a hang over. Her head was pounding from the crying and her eyes could hardly stay open. The warm water slizzled on her cold skin, and the tiny pencil blade digging into her hand, as she held it tightly. Amy set the blade on the porcelain edge of the tub and took a deep breath. Time was up now..... She was _so_ done. 

Three weeks since that Delek had chased them. Three weeks of planning (although it wasn't a very creative plan). Three weeks of writing and ripping copies of sucide notes out of her notebook. _Done._

_\----------_

Ofcourse, The Doctor knew she was lying. He had a doctorate in knowing she was lying. He also knew not to mention Rory or anything that might trigger Amy with what he called "Donna- mind." He tried asking, but she wasn't opening up. She looked more depressed than usual, but he was glad she was eating and taking showers again. He almost suggested looking up some therapists but wouldn't that just tick her off? Amy was scary when she was angry. Well, Angry Amy was better than Depressed Amy. 

He closed clicked his tounge, almost wanting to ask River if she knew any, but that was just selfish. Maybe, he could just try to talk to her better...

The Doctor knocked on Amy's door. "Amy?" he asked, but n answer came back. He knocked louder. Nothing. He checked his watch. She couldn't still be sleeping. He opened the door and looked around. Everything looked the same. Except the bed. Amy never made the bed, and yet, here it was made perfectly. A peice of paper laied on top of it. 

_**To my Raggedy Doctor,**_

He sat down at the corner of the bed and read through it, his eyes swollen with tears. When he got to the end, he threw it away, and it fluttered to the ground. 

"Amy!" He yelled, bursting into the bathroom. She was naked, in the tub. Her head completely under the water and the blood leaking from her arms, staining the water pink. "Amy?" He lifted her quickly from the water and set her water logged body on the ground. He yanked the towel from the counter and wrapped up her... You know, bits. "Amy!" He cried," Little Ameila Pond!" He put his ear to her mouth. No breathing. Then listened for even a tiny breath. Nothing. It was too late. _He_ was too late. The porcelain even looked like it was caked in the blood of the Scottish girl. Redder than her hair. He stood up and kicked the tub, the crunching of the material shattering barely registered in his ears. He kicked it again and slung a leak. He turned to the sink and yanked the faucet out, making water rain everywhere, including on him. The Doctor couldn't stop. He punched and kicked everything he could touch. The wood cupboards splintered, and the bathroom started to flood. He splashed around with his boots and sat beside her. He held her. Although it was a little weird since she was dead, he pretended she was asleep until he could stop crying and knew what do do with the empty body. 

_**This isn't your fault. It's mine. I couldn't take the hurting anymore. I used to think people who committed suicide were cowards, but I was wrong. Cowards are the ones who live with the pain, because they are scared of what's on the other side. I was one of those cowards, but I am better now. Thank you for letting me travel with you. It has been an honor.**_

_**Amy Pond**_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Koudos are appreciated.


End file.
